50 Things I do in my 50’s !

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com
  1. Trying to find my glasses when they are on my head
  2. Trying to make a picture bigger in a magazine because I do it on my smartphone
  3. Throwing away a food package only to try to retrieve it from the trash for the instructions
  4. Keeping clothes in the washer, forgetting, and then washing them again
  5. Drafting a text reply in my head but never actually doing it, but thinking I did
  6. Forgetting birthdays
  7. Forgetting names and trying to connect names to something I can remember and then calling them the name I connected them with
  8. Making grandiose plans in advance, but when the actual event comes, regretting it
  9. Waking up in the middle of the night, not wanting to pee, but then staying awake trying not to think of peeing
  10. Wrapping a gift and then unwrapping it because I forgot if I took the price tag off
  11. Having three alarms just to wake up once and sleeping through all of them
  12. Forgetting to put an ingredient in a baking recipe just as you put it into the oven, only to scrape it all back into the bowl and add the forgotten item
  13. Trying to cut down on salt and sugar in my cooking, then adding them back into the food at the table
  14. Saving all unnecessary plastic containers and having them fall on my head from the cupboards when I open it
  15. Taking a picture of labels or menus on my phone so I can enlarge it for better reading
  16. Being able to easily say no to things
  17. Consciously making physical and other routine tests/appointments and keeping to them
  18. Sleeping at 9:00 pm on a weeknight
  19. Eating dinner at 5:00 pm
  20. Seeing exercise as a daily form of medication
  21. Writing down birthdays, anniversaries, and important dates because now I cannot remember them
  22. Not getting bothered by problems as much as I did in my 30s and 40s, having a “come what may” attitude
  23. Not caring for friend drama and being able to easily walk away
  24. Seeing anxiety in myself and being able to talk myself out of it, knowing that half of my fears have never come true
  25. Keeping bits of favorite foods in the freezer for when my kids visit next
  26. Stopping drinking water at 6 pm
  27. Taking an OTC pain medication for an anticipated headache
  28. Becoming more paranoid about jinxing myself and knocking on wood, when I know it does not work
  29. Dressing too warm and then shedding layers as the day/night goes by
  30. Praying incessantly
  31. Avoiding driving at night
  32. Eating small amounts of spicy food to avoid acid and gas attacks
  33. Eating out and then complaining that I can make it better and cheaper at home
  34. Having a re-gift box
  35. Waking up with every joint hurting and shuffling out of bed
  36. Demanding good service at a fine restaurant
  37. Taking a new interest in hobbies I never had time for
  38. Navigating stairs cautiously to avoid a dreaded fall
  39. Going more than 15 minutes early to the movies or a concert, finding my seat and being ready for the show that almost never starts on time
  40. Writing a hundred lists for everything and keep rewriting them
  41. Becoming an hourly weather expert
  42. Depending on devices, Alexa or Siri, for alarms and reminders
  43. Calling my friends on the phone for long chats
  44. Looking up retirement locations for fun
  45. Telling everyone in my family, “I turned the stove off” before we leave the home
  46. Loving taking random, unplanned car rides with my spouse
  47. Writing my grocery list in the order of the shelving plan and aisles at the store
  48. Being aware of every new wrinkle on my face and every new gray hair on my head
  49. Worrying about balding
  50. Realizing that confidence is everything and asking for what I deserve

How long can we blame our upbringing and our parents for the way we are?

38,310 Family Clipart Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

I recently stumbled upon this raw, and blunt  article by Craig Harper which I found very interesting. It’s easy to blame our childhood/ parents for the way we are now as adults. It validates who we are, be it positive or negative. 

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/if-your-childhood-sucked-its-time-to-stop-blaming-your-parents.html

As an example, I had an indulgent, mother who never pushed me to study growing up and never set expectations on me, I ended up being a poor student and wasting away my school years with nothing to show for it except to be  a master at social life and extra curricular activities.  In my formative adult years, I ended up blaming her in my mind, for not pushing me harder and making me a smarter student and setting me on a career path. But I soon had to let that go.  Then  I realized at 20 I was in charge of my own destiny. I was lucky to learn that lesson early. because blaming someone else was certainly not working out for me or my life path. This was all on me, I could either make or break myself.

As a mother, I wanted to raise strong-minded and courageous women who let nothing bring them down and no matter what happens, we dust ourselves off and keep going. Well, that did not pan out well, because my young adult children  now blame me for not being comforting and kind when they  needed it most. The blame game is alive and well!

Truth is, as a parent, I now know that whatever I did or continue to do will always be wrong in my children’s’ eyes, until they themselves become parents, and that is ok so long as we can fix past hurts and be the best parents we can be in the present having learned lessons along the way. We never got instructions for this difficult role we have to play and children can be  very critical.

To be successful adults we will eventually have to look within ourselves and stop blaming our parents or anyone else for our successes and failures. It is never too late to take charge for yourself. 

Empty Nest

I am that mother bird now, ready to push the baby birds out of the nest. Have I done enough so they can fly on their own?

For 18 years, I have fed, tried to protect and kept my nest warm and welcoming with plenty of food. Now, it is  time to see if all the lessons we learned together will come to fruition. Will they study hard?  will they be able to cook, clean and take care of themselves in sickness and in health? will they be able to find jobs to sustain themselves? Will they be kind, good humans, will predators come after them in the wild with no protection from us?

All of it is still an  unknown, and every parent hopes that they will survive out of the nest successfully.

Some parents wonder, how much do they provide out of the nest? Do they provide financially? And how much is too little or too much?

If you provide too much,  they will never  have the need to earn for themselves, the hunger pangs and subpar living conditions out of the nest is a character-building experience after all. Experiences in the wild without too much help from you will help them to soar later on.

At the end,  you provide just enough, so they are able to survive in the wild, just enough, so they can get on their feet, just enough, to complete their higher education. But always provide, plenty of love ,support and good food and plenty of hugs so they keep coming back to the nest often!  

Types of People – Office Edition

Office workers with animals heads clipart Vector Image

The Angry Supervisor – This supervisor is perpetually in a bad mood no matter what. Anything sets them off. They are constantly shouting at something or someone and are quick to make wrong judgements and assume no one is doing their jobs. Slamming doors and slamming phones are common for this type of boss. They are unable to control their emotions. They are usually not productive as leaders.

Me Me Me – Supervisor – “I do it all”, “it is my work”, “my staff” says this type of boss. They have limited knowledge , and will delegates important tasks to the team. When something goes right this boss will claim all the glory publicly. If something goes wrong they blame the team. This worker is self absorbed and arrogant in nature.

The Overwhelmed Supervisor – This Super has bitten off more than they can chew, running helter skelter with no plan, no idea of what’s truly going on, tries to focus, but cannot. Does not know answers to common questions and is never in their office. Has a hundred sticky notes and to do lists on their desk.  

The IT Guy – We all have met the silent IT guy at some point- at least when our computers glitch! These types are so smart, they know everyone’s internet habits and search history. They can fix any computer issue and have a superior attitude toward inept computer users (they usually ask “Have you turned the power on”?) Stealth like in personality, they are all knowing. They have their finger on the pulse when it comes to updates, new software and virus’s. Remember, they can always log in as you!

The Phone Addict – This worker is always on their phones and their phones will be constantly beeping during meetings. A child ,husband or a doctor’s office is always calling. This worker also has thousands of pictures on their phones on demand and cannot carry a conversation without taking a call or answering a text or nervously looks at their phones every minute.

I Am Only Here for the Paycheck – This one is totally zoned out, probably very young or an older jaded, disengaged variety. Comes on time, leaves on time and does not stay a moment longer than they have to. This person does not care about the work at all, but is always aware of payday.

The Rare one – If this person exists they are unselfish in nature, this coworker or supervisor is all about making a great working environment. They will be positive, build up the team with positive reinforcements and make everyone’s day a little better. They will teach, motivate and be an authentic, strong leader that always has your back. They will be approachable and able to work through any challenge. They will look at the whole you and help you to be the best self you can be.

The Ignorant One – How easy it is to be this person. the one who knows nothing. The one who is responsible for nothing and the one who is constantly surprised when you tell them they are responsible for something. They will not share office supplies and will not even know simple office procedure. This person usually knows a lot more than they let on.

Lazy Susan – Unable to get out from her seat or do anything is this one. Will not go out of their way to do a good job or help a coworker. Leaves on time and break time is very important to them.

The Historian – This person has usually been working in the company for too long. They know all the history, they know how things have been done historically. They are critical of every administration. They think they are superior worker beings and will use terms such as “back in the day”. They look down on new employees. Finding faults and keeping score of all employees is their forte. They have lots of unnecessary attitude. It’s time they moved on!

The Hard Worker – This one is a perfect one if you can find her. She is always on time, has a can-do attitude, willing to help anyone, figures out what she does not know and gives you a solution, never leaves until the job is done, organized, happy and kind. Others may sometimes be threatened by this type and call them a suck up or teachers pet.

The Fund Organizer – Every office needs this one! This person takes charge of collecting money for any office event or fundraiser, lotteries or collections. They are organized and efficient and like to do this task and do it well. They have it all under control.

The Mole – You never know who the mole is till the last minute and this is their super power. They are quiet and gather information to relay to people who are of use to them. Want to be popular with the administration/ Company. They ask a lot of questions, yet offer no information of their own. They are smart and cunning.  

The Young One – Being of an older variety I am seeing this more often. They come  in with a Starbucks in hand, leave early, extremely well dressed and smart, have their pulse on what’s going on. Very quick on the computers, can do complicated XL spreadsheets in their sleep. Want their paycheck on time. Wait for Friday’s and the party scene. They will hob nob with other youngsters in the company. They work out, are athletic, love yoga pants or gym clothes Bring salads for lunch. Look tired and wasted on Monday morning and yawn frequently.

The Baker/Caretaker – This loved office worker is the one who is the fabulous baker and brings baked goods and other treats to work. Popular with the whole office. Holiday time is when this worker usually shines. This person also exudes, love, warmth and knows everyone’s special dates. Helpful and good at her job, may also be knows to have candy or mints at her desk at all times.

The Office Lothario – This specimen who is well dressed and highly perfumed will hit on anything that moves. Usually unattractive with low self esteem and confidence can talk nonsense for hours . Will hang around the offices of ladies, making small talk and silly jokes. Hoping to get lucky with anyone , Lothario will continue his antics till he lures his victim. Lothario usually make off color jokes.

The Disgruntled – Nothing will please this employee. Always negative with a multitude of complaints. This type is usually abundant in the maintenance department or cafeteria department. They are called upon frequently for seemingly unimportant tasks and unpleasant tasks at a lower compensation rate – We can sympathize with some of their woes.

Tell me dear reader, can you think of any other type you know of in your office?

How long do you worry about your children?

A thought provoking piece I had to share.

Author – Hiram Cohen

Passing the Torch – When do offspring become accountable.

Is there an imaginary cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable
For their own actions?

Is there some wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug,
‘It’s Their life,’ and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties,
I stood in a hospital corridor
Waiting for doctors to put a few stitches
In my son’s head and I asked,
‘When do you stop worrying?’
The nurse said,
‘When they get out of the accident stage..’
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little chair in a classroom
And heard how one of my children
Talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career
Making license plates.
As if to read my mind, a teacher said,
‘Don’t worry, they all go through this stage
And then you can sit back,
Relax and enjoy them.’
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
For the phone to ring,
The cars to come home,
The front door to open.

A friend said,
‘They’re trying to find themselves.
‘Don’t worry!
In a few years, they’ll be adults.
‘They’ll be off on their own
They’ll be out of your hair’
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

By the time I was 50,
I was sick tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children,
But there was a new wrinkle..
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their failures,
Be tormented by their frustrations and
Absorbed in their disappointments..
And there was nothing I could do about it.
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

My friends said that
When my kids got married
I could stop worrying
And lead my own life.
I wanted to believe that,

But I was haunted by my parent’s warm smiles
And their occasional,
‘You look pale. Are you all right’ ?
‘Call me the minute you get home’.
Are you depressed about something?’

My friends said that
When I became a grandparent
That I would get to enjoy
The happy little voices yelling
Grandma! Papa!
But now I find that I worry
Just as much about the little kids
As the big ones.
How can anyone cope with all this Worry?

Can it be that parents are sentenced
To a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch
To blaze the trail of human frailties
And the fears of the unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it
A virtue that elevates us
To the highest form of earthly creation?

Recently, one of my own children
Became quite irritable, saying to me,
‘Where were you?
I’ve been calling for 3 days,
And no one answered
I was worried.’
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

Now and Later

Where are you in your life now? I have had both very good and very bad things happen to me. I am certain that the same cycle will keep happening till I die. It is inevitable and that is life.

I can say that whatever has happened to this point, has definitely shaped me to handle what life throws at me in the future.

I am more protective of myself, I know how I will react to situations, and every experience good and bad is a wonderful thing that prepares you for what is to come.

For example

I once had a very stressful work environment that was taking a toll on my mental and physical health, while I was in it, it was awful and I dreaded going into work each morning. Yet those years made me so strong and now as a result, I am able to multitask under pressure, produce documents in a short time and handle difficult people with ease.

As I get older, health issues are coming my way, but again, with each procedure or medication or tests, and being there for sick friends I am able to handle medical news with a matter of fact, problem / solution attitude.

In relationships, when I have been hurt by people I love, it makes me protect my heart even more as I get older, I am not so naïve the next time and I also realize that loving myself and taking care of me is priority as no one else will do it.

I read people better, I am slow to make friends and I keep the loyal friends nurtured and close to my heart.

Whether it be life’s problems, work experiences, relationships, health issues, cooking, cleaning, parenting, event planning, each experience makes it better for the next time around and this is a great thing is it not?

So whatever is happening good or bad, as hard as it is, know that it is shaping you for the future. Learning from each experience is key, be smart in never making the same mistake twice. Your future self will thank you.

Laughter Yoga – yes there is such a thing!

Why, as a woman, do I laugh at misogynistic jokes? | Comedy | The Guardian

Picture ( Google Images – The Guardian)

I recently researched laughter yoga and my findings were fascinating. Many people all over the world are engaging in taking the time to simply laugh. 

Find humor in even the most bleak situation anywhere. It seems callous to think that you could  laugh in a bad situation, but laughter can be a great tension reliever. Have you ever witnessed a funny eulogy? when everyone laughs even though it is a sad occasion and welcomes the break?

We have  heard the term, laughter is the best medicine.   Laughter releases tension, releases endorphins that make us happy and also brings down our blood pressure which contributes to an overall feeling of wellness. Did you know the world has laughter clubs? check it out

https://laughteryogausa.org/

Other ways to cultivate humor alone is to watch a funny movie, call a friend you know is funny for a chat,  hang out with funny friends, read a joke book look up funny animal videos online, go for a comedy show, or sign up for tik tok – an app which has endless hours of humor. 

Search and find your fun and do it often. Even if at first you are reluctant to do it, you will find that once you get into the activity you can cultivate humor anytime. Not many people say that laughter is a wellness tool, but I  swear by it for my life. Covid 19 and the recent elections have us Americans feeling bleak and discouraged. Now is a great time to find an online tool to make us smile. Check out this laughter yoga guru who I enjoy very much. As silly as it may feel when you start out – you will eventually cultivate the practice. Good luck – ha ha ha!

Real Neat Blog Award Nomination

 

 

I have never been nominated for a blog award, so it was with great excitement that I received a nomination from https://meditatingmummy.wordpress.com/

I am always in awe of her writings and feel humbled to be nominated by her.Please check her out, her insights,  travels and know how is unparalleled.

meditatingmummy’s questions were:

  1. Do you prefer to blog at home, a coffee shop/ library or from your office? – I really love posting from my office space.When I sit at my work station, the ideas keep flowing and my mind automatically puts me in the right frame of mind to think. You see, If I were outside I would be far too distracted by what is going on around me.
  2. Who inspires you to be better? My best friend and my children inspire me to be a better person. They make me want to be my best self at all times and I am conscious of never disappointing them. 
  3. Would you rather party in Mikonos or explore Machu Pichu? Those who know me well, know I am not a climber of steps!! So definitely Mykonos for me, surrounded by Azure warm waters, Good food and wine,  Bouzouki music in the distance, what could be better?
  4. If you could go back in time and meet a person or change an event, who/what would it be and why? There are many who I would like to meet, but one stands out, and that would be Judas. When Jesus had been so kind to him, why did he betray him? and, if he didn’t betray him and had not given  the whereabouts of Jesus on that fateful  night, would the outcome have been any different? We would have not had a Crucifixion? The entire history of Christianity changed forever.
  5. If you could paint the world in a color palette would you pick the colors of Spring or Fall? Hmm, Interesting question, I associate new life and new beginnings with Spring, so I would definitely paint the world with fresh new colors. The new buds of Cherry Blossom, light Green sprigs on trees, the colorful hues of spring bulbs and Hyacinths that pop up everywhere, Purple, Yellow, the different colors of Tulips, and yes the bright blue skies! 
  6. What is the last book you read? did it teach you any lessons? The last book I read was Hoda Kotbe’s, I really needed this today. It makes me laugh  and think and tells me that I am not the only one with my struggles and if one day is bad, the next day will certainly be better.

I Really Needed This Today: Words to Live By - Kindle edition by ...

7.What does the phrase ‘ be kind to yourself’ mean to you? All too often we are kind to others, but very hard on ourselves. The biggest act of kindness we can give ourselves is to never be guilty for taking time for ourselves. Nurturing us,  makes us better human beings to all those around .Forgiving ourselves of our mistakes  is another kindness we can offer ourselves. Knowing that is is OK to have  blemishes and knowing that we can press reset at any time is an act of kindness.

Blogs I nominate are:

https://chefindisguise.com/

https://cooking-without-limits.com/

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/37314309

https://amadisonmom.net/blog

Questions for my nominees:

  1. What makes you tick?

  2. What is the food that brings you comfort?

  3. Would you pick a trip around the world alone or a memorable  date with your family.

  4. What was the last book you read that you didn’t ever  want the story  to end?

  5. What  did you find out about yourself during quarantine?

  6. If you got to change three things in the world what would it be?

  7. If you got the chance to sit for one Renaissance painter, who would it be and why?

Rules for the Real Neat Blog Award:

  • Display the Award Logo.
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link to their blog.
  • Answer the seven questions of the one who nominated you.
  • Nominate bloggers to receive the award and tag/pingback to their blogs.
  • Ask them seven new questions.

Black Lives Matter

BlackLivesMatter Chapter 2: The US media takes to twitter in ...

In the last two weeks, I have been learning and educating myself about the racial divide that exists all over the world, but has really taken center stage in America. I was very ignorant and I will admit was one of the people saying

” All Lives Matter”

I am now ashamed I was not more informed  and ignorant about the issues Black  people face. Being brown, I also could fall into the Black category, but have never faced systemic racism that African Americans have to suffer at the hands of government or justice systems or neighborhoods.The system has been set up for them to fail.

Google: What is Redlining

Yes my family have faced racial remarks, my accent being mocked at and “jokes” about illegal immigrates or the famous question, ” How come your English is so good?” But this is nothing compared to what Black lives face.

Black Lives Matter was founded by three women who popularized the slogan during protests over the 2012 killing of Trayvon Martin, an African-American teen who was shot by George Zimmerman. Zimmerman was acquitted of second degree murder and manslaughter.The Black Lives Matter movement began with the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter on social media, and grew into a nationwide movement in response to the use of excessive force by police, particularly against black men.

#Alllives matter has now come to be associated with people who oppose the BLM movement, downplaying racism and devaluing Black lives. We cannot trivialize what is happening to them. According to a 2015 study, 7.2 African Americans per million died at the hands of the police – while 2.9 per million white Americans were killed by the police. Black people in America are also disproportionately likely to be incarcerated and suffer police brutality. Black people also find it harder to get loans, secure great jobs and climb the corporate ladder

Take a look at this Stanford Graduate School of Business study which is an eye opener for sure and shows diversity( or lack thereof) in American Fortune 500 companies.

https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/sites/gsb/files/fortune-100-c-suite-organizational-charts-feb-2020.pdf

and if you are still not sure about what to think of believe , this powerful Netflix documentary will educate you.

13th (film) - Wikipedia

Here is what you can do:

Take responsibility for educating yourself and having difficult conversations about racism, keep listening and learning

Protest – peaceful protest does bring about  change and we have seen reforms come in the last few weeks after the killing of George Floyd. Companies are reevaluating hiring processes and looking into salary inequality.

Use your white  privilege the right way

Sign a petition

Watch stream to donate videos

Vote for government that believes and supports racial equality

Above all else, be kind, empathetic  and love every human.

 

 

 

Click to access fortune-100-c-suite-organizational-charts-feb-2020.pdf

Click to access fortune-100-c-suite-organizational-charts-feb-2020.pdf