When to give up toxic friends


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Stop and take time to think of all your friendships. Do they all make you happy ? Or do some friends in your life bother you and frankly wear you down.Ask your self ” why is this person my friend ?” does he or she make me happy or frustrated? Do you fantasize sometimes about telling them off and freeing yourself of them?

I only wish I knew in my 20’s what I know now,  how very few, but quality friends can be more fulfilling that a lot of toxic friends.

Here are some types of toxic friends you need to watch out for and however long you have known them or however close they may be to your family it will be necessary to wean them off your life for good.

The Complainer – Whenever you talk,  she  complains about her life constantly . She will never ask you how your day was. Keeps on being negative and no matter what you say to give her solutions she will find a way to shoot any positivity down.No matter what topic you bring up it will end  up being about them and the awful life they are having .

The Downer This one will put you down in a subtle way by showing you that they did it better , faster , cheaper.She will also give you backhanded compliments.They make you look bad so they can look better. “nice shoes, you got them at the dollar store?”

Fake Upper This friend will praise  you without meaning it to look good in front of others in a social setting.But secretly is jealous that you look good or have many friends and are successful.Believe me, you can see through this routine in a second.You will find them praising you with their mouth but with their eyes checking you out  or if visiting, checking out your home to see  what is new or how you have decorated.

The Borrower Now most  close friends will borrow things quite often and share most anything with no thought .The Borrower however is constantly asking for common things or cash on the go  and never returns or replenished them.If they break something they will say “oh it was so old it just broke in my hand” they will not attempt to get you another one. When you kindly give anyone something, it should always be returned the same way you gave it or more. This puts you in a tough place when you don’t want to have to give your stuff because you know you will not get it back or worse still now, you have to go out and replace it.

The Giver

I had a giver in my life once … The giver, is always giving you lavish gifts to the point that you feel uncomfortable. All of this so they can go around saying how much they help you.This behavior keeps you indebted to when they need a big favor from you.You will never be able to match the giver’s gifts and there is always a feeling of guilt when you receive these gifts.

The Advisor They are  happy when you are in trouble and they feel superior when they can advice you.If your life is going  well they are unhappy.As long as you are doing badly they are happy to keep you down .They will pretend to be well meaning so watch out.

The Inconveniencer The inconveniencer , is the friend who last-minute asks you to do favors.They will not care about your schedule and will also do it last moment in a disorganized way which puts you in an awkward  position. If you hesitate they will also conveniently give tips about how you can plan your schedule around the errand you have to run for them. They will also act surprised and attitudy if you hesitate to help. Helping friends is great, but when they are last-minute it puts extra stress on your day and usually the inconveniencer is not concerned about messing up your schedule.Put a stop to this at once and say you will be happy to help , but plans must be made in advance.

The Jeckyl  and Hyde -er With this friend,  you never know who is going to show up.One day they may be sweet and fun, the next time they see you they pretend they do not know you depending on the social situation they are in. If you are faced with this friend who is rude once second and then turns nice when it suits them, run far away as soon as you can!  They can also have mood swings and totally throw you off guard. Who wants to feel this way  when meeting a friend? You often are anxious about what you have done to make her mad this time.

The Show Offer This pal is constantly showing off their success, they will always talk about their jobs, how well their kids are doing at school, what new renovations are in the home, fabulous vacations, great marriages and gifts received . This friend will usually also update Facebook with the details of her fabulous life.Your successes will always amount to nothing in her eyes.She is also not happy when you achieve something yourself.

The True Friend   When you find a true friend treat them like gold.They will be slow to judge you , have your back no matter what, love you unconditionally be with you through the toughest times. Laugh and cry with you ,lift you up and make you be the best self you can be.They will catch you when you fall and laugh with you as you crawl back up. Whenever she walk in the room you feel a calm and relaxed feeling. You feel comforted by this friend at all times and she will be the person you can be yourself with every moment because this friend only wants the best for you.There is always give and take and no feeling of obligation.

Its time to weed out those toxics for a better quality of life , if you find yourself groaning every time they call or avoiding calling them back, if they make you feel upset or guilty ,then slowly but surely stay away from them.

Some Helpful Tips For Letting Go

  • Don’t jump to offer help eagerly .
  • Stop calling them frequently and be slow to respond when they call.
  • In social gatherings, move around with other friends more than Ms. toxic.
  • If they are constantly asking favors or needing you to run errands, make sure they know how busy you are as well.
  • When they are always borrowing things make sure you ask it back – its yours there is nothing to feel bad about.
  • If you do not care for them , you will not miss them and the friendship is not a big loss anyway.
  • If all else fails , one day you may blow up and tell her the truth and on this day you will be free!

Tell me what kind of toxic friend you have ?


A Community That Lost a Child

This past week, our community lost a 14 year old boy to congestive  heart disease.Undetected until he fell unconscious while on a treadmill in his own home a few hours later clinically dead.

3 weeks ago he was playing the guitar at the school jazz concert, even with a broken wrist he insisted on playing with his group. Soon after, he was on the class trip to Dornay Park laughing  with his friends.

2 weeks ago Isak laughed naughtily at his 8th grade graduation ceremony, his last name begins with A so we all saw him right in the first row. He had smiley cherubic features, he was a good kid who had great taste in music (my teen daughter admits). Everyone loved him  and he obviously made a great impact on his community that  came together in grief.

Yesterday was his wake, his parents bravely stood in line for almost 4 hours in the hot summer heat comforting the hundreds of kids and parents and teachers that openly wept. No matter who knew him or did not know him, this child belonged to our community and the turnout was overwhelming .

How can a parent be ever strong enough to handle a devastation like this? Do you ever prepare for a moment like this?

There is no point in asking why? or blaming God or anyone else , for we never get the answers to this question.We try to go on as best as we can and never let a soul be forgotten.

His organs were donated and his spirit lives on, and he has saved so many lives already.Another bold and selfless decision his family made in the deepest depths of grief.There was meaning to his life in the end and even at the young age of  14 he leaves a huge legacy.

He will never go to high school that he was so excited about, his guitar will never be picked up by him again and we will never know what he would grow up to be.But for this moment we will remember this child, remember the good times and pray for his family to find comfort and peace someday.