When to give up toxic friends

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Stop and take time to think of all your friendships. Do they all make you happy ? Or do some friends in your life bother you and frankly wear you down.Ask your self ” why is this person my friend ?” does he or she make me happy or frustrated? Do you fantasize sometimes about telling them off and freeing yourself of them?

I only wish I knew in my 20’s what I know now,  how very few, but quality friends can be more fulfilling that a lot of toxic friends.

Here are some types of toxic friends you need to watch out for and however long you have known them or however close they may be to your family it will be necessary to wean them off your life for good.

The Complainer – Whenever you talk,  she  complains about her life constantly . She will never ask you how your day was. Keeps on being negative and no matter what you say to give her solutions she will find a way to shoot any positivity down.No matter what topic you bring up it will end  up being about them and the awful life they are having .

The Downer This one will put you down in a subtle way by showing you that they did it better , faster , cheaper.She will also give you backhanded compliments.They make you look bad so they can look better. “nice shoes, you got them at the dollar store?”

Fake Upper This friend will praise  you without meaning it to look good in front of others in a social setting.But secretly is jealous that you look good or have many friends and are successful.Believe me, you can see through this routine in a second.You will find them praising you with their mouth but with their eyes checking you out  or if visiting, checking out your home to see  what is new or how you have decorated.

The Borrower Now most  close friends will borrow things quite often and share most anything with no thought .The Borrower however is constantly asking for common things or cash on the go  and never returns or replenished them.If they break something they will say “oh it was so old it just broke in my hand” they will not attempt to get you another one. When you kindly give anyone something, it should always be returned the same way you gave it or more. This puts you in a tough place when you don’t want to have to give your stuff because you know you will not get it back or worse still now, you have to go out and replace it.

The Giver

I had a giver in my life once … The giver, is always giving you lavish gifts to the point that you feel uncomfortable. All of this so they can go around saying how much they help you.This behavior keeps you indebted to when they need a big favor from you.You will never be able to match the giver’s gifts and there is always a feeling of guilt when you receive these gifts.

The Advisor They are  happy when you are in trouble and they feel superior when they can advice you.If your life is going  well they are unhappy.As long as you are doing badly they are happy to keep you down .They will pretend to be well meaning so watch out.

The Inconveniencer The inconveniencer , is the friend who last-minute asks you to do favors.They will not care about your schedule and will also do it last moment in a disorganized way which puts you in an awkward  position. If you hesitate they will also conveniently give tips about how you can plan your schedule around the errand you have to run for them. They will also act surprised and attitudy if you hesitate to help. Helping friends is great, but when they are last-minute it puts extra stress on your day and usually the inconveniencer is not concerned about messing up your schedule.Put a stop to this at once and say you will be happy to help , but plans must be made in advance.

The Jeckyl  and Hyde -er With this friend,  you never know who is going to show up.One day they may be sweet and fun, the next time they see you they pretend they do not know you depending on the social situation they are in. If you are faced with this friend who is rude once second and then turns nice when it suits them, run far away as soon as you can!  They can also have mood swings and totally throw you off guard. Who wants to feel this way  when meeting a friend? You often are anxious about what you have done to make her mad this time.

The Show Offer This pal is constantly showing off their success, they will always talk about their jobs, how well their kids are doing at school, what new renovations are in the home, fabulous vacations, great marriages and gifts received . This friend will usually also update Facebook with the details of her fabulous life.Your successes will always amount to nothing in her eyes.She is also not happy when you achieve something yourself.

The True Friend   When you find a true friend treat them like gold.They will be slow to judge you , have your back no matter what, love you unconditionally be with you through the toughest times. Laugh and cry with you ,lift you up and make you be the best self you can be.They will catch you when you fall and laugh with you as you crawl back up. Whenever she walk in the room you feel a calm and relaxed feeling. You feel comforted by this friend at all times and she will be the person you can be yourself with every moment because this friend only wants the best for you.There is always give and take and no feeling of obligation.

Its time to weed out those toxics for a better quality of life , if you find yourself groaning every time they call or avoiding calling them back, if they make you feel upset or guilty ,then slowly but surely stay away from them.

Some Helpful Tips For Letting Go

  • Don’t jump to offer help eagerly .
  • Stop calling them frequently and be slow to respond when they call.
  • In social gatherings, move around with other friends more than Ms. toxic.
  • If they are constantly asking favors or needing you to run errands, make sure they know how busy you are as well.
  • When they are always borrowing things make sure you ask it back – its yours there is nothing to feel bad about.
  • If you do not care for them , you will not miss them and the friendship is not a big loss anyway.
  • If all else fails , one day you may blow up and tell her the truth and on this day you will be free!

Tell me what kind of toxic friend you have ?

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26 thoughts on “When to give up toxic friends

  1. Great interesting post full of psychological insight. You must have had a lot of experience with toxic friends Toxic friends drain you of all your energy and something else if they can. In their mind you only exist for their benefit not yours, Get read of them. But this said it takes time and above all experience to recognise them because most people wear a mask.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for sharing WAYS to move on! I think that’s the hardest part. I had a long distant friend who insisted upon calling to talk about people and their injustices, and never ideas or solutions. It was never much of a dialogue, more like I was expected to be the listener. I probably stayed longer than I should have because of her tendency to be judgemental (I knew I’d be judged for leaving). I had walked through her chemo experience, so there had once been a purpose for listening to anything she needed to say. Now that’s all behind her, and we could never get back on track. It was when I got some really good news, that I realized it was time to go, when she couldn’t find any words of encouragement to share – only envy. I could have made my exit with more dignity, if I’d read your article first! THANK YOU… we don’t HAVE to be everyone’s friend. We only lose pieces of who we are when we attempt to do that. in lak’ech, Debra (We can still love them.)

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    1. It is extremely hard to walk away from these so called “friend” but i am sure once you had the courage to be kind to yourself and let go of her , it really was no big loss probably a huge relief. And it’s ok , if people want to judge us we have to be strong and be ok with that too!judge on i say to them…. Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement.

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  3. I have had toxic friends in the past and I slowly began to realise how bad the friendship was. It was all one sided where I am the only one who put in the effort while he just did not bothered. It took me a while but at the end of the day, I told him that our friendship was unhealthy so I decided to break it off.

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  4. I think most of us share elements of all these toxic pals. I’m glad my friends and I tend to give one another a break! Frankly, though, I’d like to break up with myself when I start complaining, but when I’m in that mood, I wont listen to a thing I say.
    Luckily, I’ve learned to complain when I’m alone. However, my cat has begun giving me some very fishy stares, and I’m afraid he’s going to set some limits any day now. God, does that mean I’ll have to stop complaining altogether? I never get to do anything! That’s so unfair!
    Oh wait, that’s whining.

    Seriously, nice post. I enjoyed it.

    If I may offer one suggestion, it might be this, for what it’s worth: a direct, honest good-bye might work better for both parties than a prolonged series of messages about drawing away. And it will save you from being listed on someone’s blog as “The Indirect Message Giver”

    (-: Glad I visited. Thanks again!

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    1. Thank you for your words of wisdom and checking my blog out. What i love about most of us women is that we are always reflecting on ourselves to make ourselves better. So even if we show signs of toxicity ( is that a word?) in ourselves we catch it and fix it. Ofcourse i whine and complain too …. but not to the point i irritate even myself. ha ha your cat reference is cute.
      You are right sometimes being honest will usually solve the problem right away, and that person will walk away first , it usually takes a lot of guts and balls to be brutally honest – I am working on that!
      Thank you !!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I recently had to end an incredibly toxic friendship. This individual was a combination of the complainer, downer, fake upper, borrower, giver, adviser, inconveniencer, show offer, and most especially the Jeckyl and Hyde-er. No one has ever deceived, used me or broke my heart more than this woman has. In fact I’m so jaded to trust people because of this person. I’ve known them my whole life, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. However I do feel free like a weight has been lifted off me. It’s been it’s been 6 months since our friendship ended, I am still sad it had to end the way it did.

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  6. I’ve got a fake upper! She’s very sweet in front of her boyfriend and my husband so they think she’s awesome, but she’s a terrible, manipulative person when they’re not looking. It makes it difficult on me because if I express my frustration with her they don’t understand what I’m talking about.

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    1. Oh no ! This is a tough one , not even your husband can see what you are talking about , fear not my friend! her true side will eventually rear it’s ugly head in front of others soon, just wait for that “aha i told you so ” moment – it will surely come.
      Fake Uppers cannot keep it up for long – they will soon crack. Her poor boyfriend.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh i am so sorry ! that is a pain in the heart right? I hope you managed to get rid of this friends and move on. Only time will heal a deep wound , it will take time , but remember her behavior is on her , not you and you have a clear conscions.

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      1. The pain disappears, but the scar and the memory are still there, and will remain there , forever. That’s why it’s not true that people forgive and forget. We can forgive but there’s no way we can forget. It’s just not the same anymore.

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      2. For me too, forgive yes, but unless i have a brain transplant , even if i wanted to forget i am incapable of doing so.I hope you remember the good times you shared and you are certainly better off for not having that person in your life.A true friend should only bring you up, not bring you down – keep that in mind.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, i appreciate the reblog. Ugh ! you are too right, Toxic friends keep creeping into our lives all the time – It’s a virus. Hopefully as we grow older we become more savvy to weed them out fast.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I do believe with time and maturity it becomes easier to recognize the behavior of toxic people and keep you distance from the start. Makes life a ton easier!
        Danny

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  7. I love your post! It is so rare to find a good friend. It is precious. I hope that good friends are not upset when we are so busy in our life that we have trouble to find time for a simple cup of coffee! 😉

    Toxic people are hard to avoid and the first step is to recognize them because they are part of our life for so long. Sometimes, it works to treat them as bad habits. We need to find a way to get rid of this habit, like starting yoga to relax or sport to quit smoking. We need to learn to live without them and when we do, we realize how much better we feel!

    thanks for your post and for being such a nice friend!
    Florence

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  8. Aha! what a perfect way weed out a toxic friend. I could go on about the toxicity that perpetually invades my life, although I must confess the most toxic person, the fake upper and the complainer ha! is now handled. I guess they infiltrate our lives to show you how much joy the true friend brings us and how necessary it is to ‘breathe’ speak your truth and say goodbye to what is toxic, in the nicest of ways. Lovely post San.

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