Confusion at Starbucks – just give me a basic coffee!

My town does not have a Starbucks !

but I have teen daughters who apparently although not having a store in town know the menu and lingo by heart.Often I am asked to drive to the next town to get an outrageously priced cup of coffee and snack.I try to appear cool but usually feel nervous when I get to the cashier.

I look up at the board and am so confused. When I go in,  I take some time to study the menu before I get in line and think  I have it all down. But then the girl (Barista they call them) asks me so many questions

This is usually how it goes

Me: “Can I get a  coffee please?”

Girl/Barista: “Would you like to try a Cappuccino, Macciato, Frappe or Espresso ma’am?” ( that’s what they call up sell!)

“Uh, I will have a cappuccino “-at least I know this drink and know what I will get

“Would that be a

“Tall, Venti,  Grande?”


My daughter looks embarrassed as I ask for a medium not a “Venti”, did not know I need to speak Italian to get a coffee in America.

“Regular milk, soy milk or  half and half” ?

“Yeah regular milk” 

“would you like cream on that” ?

“would you like a pump of  anything”?

Ahhhhhhh !!


(Google Images)

Ok, now I have to order a tea – Lord help me !

“would that be iced or hot”?

” ice tea please” .

“would  that be whole leaf , full leaf or flat leaf”…….

oh no here we go again!

The girl looks annoyed as I stumble on my order and blindly say “yes “or “that’s fine”  to her questions, not knowing what I am agreeing to !  She is eager to get the line moving , behind me I hear noises of annoyance from regulars who just want me to get out-of-the-way so they can get their coffee fix faster – by 4 pm, coffee addicts are a pretty scary bunch.

“what’s your name “? 

there should be  a how to order brochure at the entrance for people like me.I make so many decisions in the day why should the coffee shop be so stressful, I appreciate they are giving wonderful and plentiful choices but I am a simple girl.

I admire the pretty young girl after me who confidently and effortlessly says

“hey it’s Brittany, I’ll have a tall Latte , skim, no sugar ,130 with a pump of vanilla thanks”.

Other words to learn for Starbucks are,

skinny (means non fat ha!), pumps, soy, triple skinny, octo shot(8 shots espresso),extra whip ,drizzle.


28 dollars later (5 items) , I wonder if my coffee would have tasted better if I made it my own – as i just noticed a sign saying make it your own on the menu board ugh! too late.

well at least my teen loves her coffee and is in a great mood so it was worth it.


check this out, he makes it sound so easy! I wonder are there others like me ? I am not a Starbucks hater – I am just a dumb consumer.


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